We live in such a modern world with what seems like millions of technological advances.  It seems there’s a new gadget to learn about every single day.

We are sooooooooo advanced!

Yet, it seems somehow that we haven’t evolved much, as people, I mean.

Look around you. There is so much unhappiness in our world. There are angry people everywhere you turn.

People are often on the verge of snapping. People honk like crazy in traffic. Sometimes they get annoyed at the barista at Starbucks or some go ballistic on a person who asks them to put their dog on a leash. It seems many have lost their minds and all sense of patience and kindness.

Angry people believe their behavior is justified.

But how can that be?

Someone somewhere treated them wrongly….. and possibly for a long period of time.

Over time, maltreatment takes a toll on your emotions. When left unchecked, the person enduring it sometimes ends up angry and bitter. They sometimes become self-righteous and indignant.

Our emotions can begin to control our lives.

Did you know we have a choice?

We may not realize it, but we can choose to be happy or unhappy.

For years I chose unhappiness.

It’s sad but true. I wasted many years of my life being an unhappy person.

I chose to be angry at the world because my world hadn’t treated me right. Bad things happened when I was a child. People fought in my home and treated each other badly. Ugly things also happened to me. I took this as a license to be angry.

Why choose to be angry? 

Somehow it gave me protection. I kept my defenses up all the time, which kept me on my toes and helped me watch for “bad behavior”. I felt self-righteous. I wouldn’t allow anyone to get the better of me!

And did you know that when you have a heightened sense of awareness, and of self protection, that you are extremely stressed?

Did you know that when we feel extremely stressed or when we feel wronged, we actually feel release when we lash out.

It gives a sense of overcoming, a sense of accomplishment. It may even feel like winning… for a moment.

A scenario, the freeway:  

 

That f#!*ing jerk cut me off!

 

The result?

• • • • • I spew a bunch of profanity,
        • Drive like a maniac,
        • Flip him off, and
        • Frighten everyone around me!
        • I can’t believe him! What a jerk! Who acts like that anyway?

Well, amazingly it’s the same type of person that retaliates the way I did directly afterward… driving like an idiot, scaring people, and almost causing an accident.

What happens next?  Anger and negativity spread like wildfire.

Unfortunately, I lived for many years in my angry bubble. I lashed out at those who did jerk-like things. I lashed out at people in traffic, at the grocery store, at work, etc. 

Of course, I felt my reactions were justified.

But who really was the jerk? I know. Me. 

It took me a long time to see things clearly but I finally woke up.

Time for a change.

Somewhere along the way, I got tired of the anger and the pain. I wanted to be happy.  I wanted to have more friends.  Unfortunately, I didn’t know how. 

Luckily, several kind people took the time to help me along my journey.

After several years of soul searching, talking to caring individuals, and reading self-help books, I came across some words that stopped me in my tracks, in a somewhat whacky book… Dan Milman’s The Way of the Peaceful Warrior. It’s an entertaining story with lots of fun imagery that touches all five senses. The story is a bit out there, but it’s theme… a direct hit to the soul.

The book spelled out very definitely that we choose to be happy. We just have to decide to do it. We must take responsibility for our own happiness, and stop thinking we’re going to derive happiness from someone or something else.

Happiness comes from within.

Whoa! It struck me like a lightning bolt! I had always just thought that reacting to the negative things in life with more negativity was normal. I felt justified in that.

I didn’t realize that my behavior was immature.  I do now.

Unfortunately, there will always be shitty people who do shitty things in the world.  We can choose to let their crappy behavior roll off our backs.  Or…..

We can choose to let it ruin our day. Worse, we can choose to lash out and ruin the day of others around us.

I have learned that I can choose. I can choose to not allow jerk behavior drag me down.

I can choose to disregard obnoxious remarks, understanding that it comes from an unhappy person who wishes to make others unhappy.  A person who is caught in their own angry bubble.

I can choose to control my emotions, utilize positive words, not engage, and walk away.

I may have moments where I have to remind myself.  I am human. 

But ultimately, I pull my head out of the negativity bubble and choose to be happy.

What do you choose?

Next up… learning to deal with jerks who get stuck in our lives.